Sunday, 9 October 2011

My mothers words..........

 The leaves are dropping.    Autumn is in full swing.    My parents love to walk the garden and see the changes.    For the first time ever my mother failed to do so.    She is very frail now.
Her weight loss, lack of appetite and other medical problems have left her weak.    We have many hospital visits ahead.    My mother is very stoic, she never gives up, but I have seen changes recently.    She has lost her sparkle......that little twinkle in her eye, that tells me all is well.
We have had many moments where I have had to swallow hard and keep my emotions well hidden.
When I left her on Friday she called me back.    Her words were unexpected.
"I have made many mistakes in my life Cheryl.   You were not one of them.    You have always been my sunshine."    I hugged her gently, kissed her on the cheek and left.    I pulled up along the lane, and found I was crying.   
Yesterday I took Nella to the woods.    I took my lunch with me and sat amongst the ancients.
I find nature helps me to heal and shows me the way.     I needed this time alone.....apart from my little dog.     I spent two hours wandering the forest........coming to terms with what might lay ahead.
I am following an unknown path....nothing is clear at this time.    All I know is my parents have always been there for me.   In my darkest moments and in my moments of joy.     
My father has his own health issues and is finding it hard to cope with mother.
I can see and feel his sorrow........

I leave the forest behind.......my little dog sitting on the seat next to me.    I feel refreshed, ready to start another week.      I give thanks to Mother Earth..........

19 comments:

  1. I do so sympathise with you Cheryl - it is 10 years this month since my mother died and I still miss her terribly and there are so many things I wish I had said to her but didn't. Use this time wisely so that you will have no regrets if/when that day comes for you too. It is certainly a difficult time you have ahead but you will deal with it all with Nature's help I know. My thoughts are with you.

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  2. Thank you Jane,

    I have always held your words in my heart. I remember my first post about my mothers health and you said then, to cherish the moments. I have without done this, so I thank you for that.

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  3. Your dear sweet Momma gave you a marvelous gift with those words. I can remember when my Mom died I realized that "I" was now the Mother. Even though my children were in their 20's I felt like "the daughter". It was a sad realization that my Mother would never be there any longer. However the memories will never fade. She will always be in my heart. You will always have that. Big Hugs.

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  4. The cycle of life is so special . Your elders were once where you are today. To date they recall their moms and miss them . It is part of the circle of life yet one tends to feel a heavy loss when the time approaches . Be strong . Your role of daughter and mom do not change with the passage of those before you . You just gain more understanding and wisdom . Your own children will have to face the same issue. That's not ever going to alter . Cherish the moments still left with the grace and dignity that are in you . Smile at the beauty of everything for it is just that .

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  5. Oh My Dear Cheryl...A time in our lives when we start to realize we will be the Matriarchs of the family....this is what my sister's and I always said when my Mom passed away ...like a passing of the battalion to the next generation!!
    A very hard thing to do ...we would always like to be the child to a living parent..It made me feel like I didn't have to grow up I guess ; }

    It is wonderful you have your place of solace to reflect and ponder...so sorry that your Mum couldn't walk the path with you, but I am sure you felt her presence.
    Make the best of these moment in the time ahead..in weeks or maybe years...only God know the time and the place!!
    (((tight hugs)))
    ♥ Grace

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  6. Thank you Lisa,
    I find great comfort in your words.

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  7. KleinsteMotte.....you show much wisdom.

    I am strong but every so often things catch me unawares and for a brief moment in time I feel extremely vulnerable. I know these times will pass........and I will be a better person for them.

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  8. Dear Grammie

    My mother has such a strong faith and I know this is of great comfort to her at this time.
    I don't know where this path will lead but I do know you are right when you say 'Only God knows the time and place'

    Tku for your kindness.

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  9. Much love to you dear Cheryl during this difficult time. May the oaks lend you their strength, the Rowans their protection, the Elders their wisdom and the Hawthorns their open hearts. And may the changing seasons be a constant reminder that whilst all things change form, what is true is never lost. My heart is with you.

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  10. Dear Cheryl,
    I think Whisperingearth gave a lovely blessing to you.
    I too feel tears. You are walking on poignant days. Watching your much loved parents age and lose their spark is very difficult. The joy now is in the details of each day with them. Your grandchildren hold your right hand and your parents your left. I am grateful you have your soulmate, Mr. P, watching out for you. I am grateful your son and daughter are close. I am grateful you have the ancient forest near by. I am grateful you have the gardens to comfort you. I send my comfort and love.
    You ARE Sunshine and Moon glow!
    You Are friend of the bees.
    Sherry, who dances with butterflies

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  11. Oh Cheryl, I have tears in my eyes as I read this. It is so hard to watch those you love walk this uncertain path. I remember the sparkle going out of David's eyes in hospital, but it came back again to my surprise (until the end). I hope your mother will find her strength and sparkle, and you will have more time to share together.

    She gave you a gift and I know you will treasure this in your heart. Sunshine brings warmth, light, and love to all.

    Sending warm hugs and prayers for your mother and your dear dad, who must be hurting inside.

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  12. Dear Lucinda,

    Thank you for your blessing. I shall keep your words in my mind and my heart.
    I am hoping they will stabilize Mum's condition with medication.......

    I saw Mum this morning, now it is time to go out in the garden and be at one with nature :)

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  13. Dear Cheryl, I know this must be such a difficult time for you. Treasure your mother's words--she did indeed give you a gift that you can keep in your heart forever. I know that you will cherish each moment you have together. May the woods and all of Nature's blessings give you the strength and comfort to get through this time.

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  14. Oh Cheryl, my heart goes out to you! It must be one of the most difficult processes we go through in life, seeing our parents grow frail, understanding their mortality. Yet, you are so wise to spend time out with dear Mother Earth, who, as Lucinda so beautifull shared, allows us to understand that we never truly lose what we love. You are so blessed in that you have a little time to cherish those last moments, hear the truest wisdom of her heart, and offer her the blessing of your love as you both say goodbye.

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  15. I know how you are feeling because I have been down that path myself. I treasure the time my mother and I had during her last months of life. It is often painful for a daughter to hear the words her mother needs to say. And it takes a great deal of courage to listen to them when you are tempted to change the conversation. I will keep your mother, you, and the whole family in my prayers. I know Nella and your beautiful garden will give you some solace in the days ahead.

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  16. Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive comments. I appreciate each and every one of them, I really do.......

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  17. My heart goes out to you, I've been where you are and know how hard it is. Your mother's words are the exact same I've told my daughter. A good daughter really is the sunshine in your life.
    You'll be in my thoughts and prayers

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  18. Dear Cheryl - so tormenting are these slow, faded partings and how hard to watch the decline of our parents. I would take such comfort from your mother's words - and knowing you 'virtually' she has much to be proud of. Her faith will be her rod and staff along the path - you can only walk alongside, just like Nella.
    Laura x

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  19. Walking in favourite woodland with a much-loved four-legs is a most healing thing to do. I miss my Ollie dreadfully as without a dog there is not the same raison d'etre to go out.

    Your Mum's words brought tears to my eyes too. Treasure them, because not everyone receives such a gift.

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