Thursday 1 July 2010

The sadness in growing old......

The waiting room is hot and crowded. I see the anxiety in her face. I put my hand on hers.
"I want to go home."
"I know Mum, but you can't. We have to find out what is wrong with you. Try not to worry."The doctor tells us there will be more hospital visits, more tests. She puts her arm through mine and we walk out into the sunshine.
"I worry about you Cheryl, you should not have to do this, you have enough problems of your own."

Her eyes are full, her little body bowed........

"Don't you worry about me Mum, I'll take care of us both."

We walk slowly to the car............when did my mother turn into my child?


  1. It's so difficult isn't it the role reversal you are going through now? I do so remember the same feelings with my mother. Be there for her and listen to her as she has no doubt done so often for you - I know I was always too busy DO-ing things for my mother I didn't stop to just BE with her and to chat to her and it is a regret I carry to this day.

    My thoughts are with you both and I hope the test results are that nothing to serious is happening.

    Love and a hug (you probably need one)

  2. Tku Jane, for such a lovely comment. I take on board your advice. I do bring her to the garden, and chat.....although she is beginning to find it a strain. Hopefully they will find out what is wrong with her and be able to help her.

    The hug is very gratefully received......

  3. My Dear Cheryl,
    I remember this walk with my Mother. These are sad days. Take pleasure in her hand and voice. You are a very good and dear daughter. So many people depend on you. Please feel free to lean on me. I am here.
    The trees will watch over you and always the bees for comfort.
    One in spirit. (Your flowers are so pretty!)

  4. Where does the time go? How does it pile up on us and make us old? I hope the best for your Mum. I am sending you big hugs and loads of love. Life is so difficult sometimes.

  5. They used to call us the 'sandwich' generation because we were caring for our kids and our parents. And now with grandkids in the mix I think we are the 'double decker sandwich'! It seems we wear so many faces that there is little time to stop and smell the flowers. I think that is why we cherish our limited time in our gardens.

    A lovely blog Cheryl. I look forward to more of your wonderful and thought provoking posts. And of course your beautiful gardens.

    I send my prayers for your Mom and hugs for you. :)

  6. Dear Sherry, thank you, I am grateful for your care and kindness. I know you understand. My gardens comfort me, and my grand-children.

    The dutch iris are so pretty....a rash choice, but one that I do not regret.

  7. Tku Lisa.....your kindness and support means a great deal......

  8. Thank you Beckie.....a good description 'double decker sandwich'......

    We do indeed wear many faces. I remember my grand-mother saying 'God only gives burdens to those that can carry them' I do have an inner strength and a strong man by my side.......

    Thank you re was time for a change.

    Mum will be grateful for your thoughts and prayers......she has a deep faith that I hope will see her through this very difficult time.

    Hugs x

  9. Hi Cheryl,

    I think we all hope this will never happen but, as I am sure most will agree that even though our parents or grandparents may be ill, we would much rather they are still with us.

    I am sure you will cherish these times with your mum even if it is tainted with sadness.

    Wonderful Irises, I think we have the same ones (blue and white, and white ones - that reminds me, I haven't yet seen the whites flower.)

  10. Hi Liz, Absolutely, I cherish each day. Both my parents have aged rapidly over the last few months. Mum's illness (whatever it is) has developed over the last six months. Sadly, she cannot cope with it, too many hospital visits has tired her.......but we will get through it I am sure.

    Dutch iris are a new one for me. I really love them, far more than the bearded iris.
    I love the simplicity of them.....

  11. Such a poignant (and painful) question at the end Cheryl which brings back many difficult memories...

    I have spent a lot of time here trying to think of something helpful but other bloggers have said it better so I will just say I truly understand...and am holding you and your family very closely in my thoughts.

    Your photos are as serene and beautiful as always.

  12. Hi Jan.....there is nothing to is a path many of us a walk. There are times of joy, and times of my dear brother would say 'Cheryl, that is life.'

    Tku for your sincerity.....

  13. Caring for aging parents is difficult for both parent and child. It's a duty but more important, it's a labor of love. We are filled with frustration and fear they are filled with guilt and fear.

  14. Hi is difficult for all concerned. I am sure we will work through these times.....

  15. I myself often thing about what my quality of life will be now that I am 66year old and not knowing what the future might hold and what it will be like for my daughters....but who can know...I might be having to help has so many twists and turns...only God knows!!!

  16. Grammie....wise words indeed. I am 60 next year....I try to stay fit and healthy but as you so rightly say, only God knows!!

  17. Hi Cheryl,
    Thanks for a beautiful post and a beautiful blog. Though my mum (and I!) are still fairly young, I have noticed this shift in the last couple of years where I have begun to feel the same fierce protectiveness over her that I feel for children and other dependents. I don't think it's so much about them becoming a child, but more, as you so rightly say, about us being able to carry more burdens than they can as they grow older. This force of love which moves us to care for those more vulnerable than us is such a gift and definitely something to cherish when times are tough. Your mum is very lucky to have you as a daughter.
    Blessings to you both.

  18. Whisperingearth.....tku for your beautiful and caring comment.

    I understand the protectiveness of which you speak.

    Mother has become like my child because she can no longer walk too far without help. I hold her arm and support her. Sometimes her behaviour resembles a small child, when it does not want to do something. 83 years young.......she has changed greatly these last few months.

    Tku for your blessing, may your mother and you walk a happy and healthy path for many many years.

  19. Hi Cheryl, It must be very hard losing independence and being scared. I'm sure your mom is glad to have you. And it's good to be able to give support to a parent, though I understand it is also a difficult situation for all involved. Do your parents still live in their own place?

  20. Hi Monica, yes they do. Five minutes from my home. I also take care of ma in law, if she needs me. She is also five minutes away.
    They all want to remain independent....if I can help them to that I am only too willing.

  21. It must be hard for your mum to deal with the changes in her health that she is facing, and also for you in the changes it has made to your life - something that probably never crosses our minds as a concern in our younger years! It's wonderful that you are helping her to remain independent, and I really hope the doctors are able to find out what the problem is.